A Katrooian Birthday
Have I ever told you what they do in Katroo?
They work and they toil for the big BBU.
“It should never have happened it never was planned
Katroo should have been a birthday paradise land
It started out small just a party or two
Then having a bird became the ‘in’ thing to do
So we paid quite a bit for the service they’d give.
For one day a year our children knew how to live.
But the poor kids shouted “we want those birthdays for me”
So we gave them “Happy Birthday See-cur-it-y”
Each kid in the land no matter his riches
Gets the same birthday whatever his wish is
You’re taught propaganda as you ride on the goat
Katroo “double-think” that you know well by rote
Like “If you weren’t in Katroo then what would you do
The government knows what is good for you”
And, “This land is good all life here is pleasant
Please ignore the report of this poor oppressed peasant.”
Then you’ll go to the mountain and you will see
All of Katroo and you’ll shout “WE ARE WE”
You’ll eat spools of hot dogs despite your protest
Because differences cause all social unrest
Then the butchers, those vermin of capitalist vice,
Saw the demand for franks, so they jacked up the price
This couldn’t continue so we made price controls
On butchers then bakers, who stopped making rolls.
Then the time-telling fish once so many and fair
Due to our hunting became exceedingly rare.
Then we cut off the heat to the mustard-off pool
Anyone jumping in was branded a fool
Then the snip-snippers you see wanted minimum wages
So we killed them all, first one by one then in stages.
Then we needed more money, no problem, taxes galore
Those who protested, well, they aren’t heard anymore.
Then let’s find a pet, we culled all the tallest
We found one 3’3, the tallest of allest.
We send it back in a box, sealed with the finest of waxes.
Who cares what it costs, it’s funded by taxes.
Then those Birthday palaces, we need twenty or more
Just to handle one birthday du jour.
And the singing herrings and the cutters of cake
Are union employees, all in on the take.
Today you are we, that is true as can be
There is no one alive who is you-er than me
Be happy you aren’t some person boring and droll.
Like a peasant, a farmer, or even a prole.
Instead you’re important, a disciple of Stalin
So be happy, be ‘free’, you’re birthday is callin’
Don’t skimp on the money, it’s not yours your savin’
So go with the service of your birthday bird maven”
Then there were two parties, and then there was one
Then everyone was equal, for then there were none.